January Light

"it was like being seen after perpetual darkness, after a lifetime of silence"

There is a fine line between us now.

It will always be painful,

but not for you.

La fin

Apparently grinding and swallowing 2 cups of appleseeds with 204g of cyanide will not kill you.

Another sunrise brings about another day of scorch and wounds.

Another analogy of oppression is forcing one to have a life and threatening extermination with an afterlife.

And condemning those already void of one.

How the world claims that empathy doesn’t exist, as an excuse to push the weak deeper down the borehole and continue watching tv.

The end begins from the greatest concrete height, when help becomes hurt, when trust becomes abuse, when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.

Au revoir, au revoir, au revoir,

but not till we meet again.

Mum, Dad (i’m sorry)


Mum, Dad?

I got lost in my sleep.
The man at the end of my dream told me to follow him.
He said he would let me go to school
and that he will pay for my food.
I can eat anything I want without washing toilets anymore.
The birds will come back again to sing.
He said that he will make me famous
and that if I sip whisky straight
I will be seen again.
The future will come to life, what we hoped and dared dream.
He has friends that he can give me
and they will care for me, never let me go lonely.

Mum, Dad

you will not need to worry about me anymore.

i’m so so tired

i feel beaten up and left in a corner to bleed after defending lov(ed) ones.

i cannot stop crying why: why can’t the caretaker be taken care of as well?

when will a day not go wrong and when will i stop being nice?

is it a guilt trap? to be nice and given company. or to be truthful and left abandoned. but, what is the difference?

my chest is in pain for the fourth consecutive night. but tonight the sensation is overwhelming. it’s very difficult to breath and my arms feel like jelly. i desperately need a double arrowed button that says fast forward.

this poet hates words

what is a string of letters and spaces but letters and spaces:

imaginary meanings conceptualised in print?
okay but that is that
she is she just as
he is he

do you ever stare at my skin and wonder
if a unit of language is noise or illustration
and if either
whether hearing and seeing is the same as feeling

because this skin cannot feel anything within
when beings say
“I love You”
then wish You do as they wish
and speak as they speak
and sing as they sing
falling deaf as a heart fibrillates
and another virgin goes to waste

in another collection of used bodies


Why do I run after the green man when i know I’ve already given up inside and am going to beat myself up later